My younger years as a boy have been marked by more unpleasant events than pleasant ones. There had been a few big quarrels that took place in my family. These have hurt me deeply as a child, and eventually my views about many things became negative. My relationship with my mother were not as close as before, and it gradually drifted further in the next years. During these times, I adopted a quiet character and did not speak much at home or at school. I lost confidence in many things and developed much inferiority as I came in contact with more people during my secondary school years. I certainly did not feel good about almost anything.

Questions such as the purpose and meaning of life or whether there is such a thing as afterlife, have once in a while occurred to me. Through my own reasoning, I thought our purpose in life is just to study, work, marry, grow old and die. How about afterlife? I believed we will just 'black out' and that's it. No heaven or hell, no eternal life or suffering, no reincarnation. Simply just 'black out'. And this is what I define worldly wisdom.

Then, while I was still struggling and searching with my identify, my elder sister, Karen, came to know Jesus. She often showed Him to me and even brought me down to a Christmas service once. (And I found it boring, worse it was in mandarin!) I challenged my sister with questions about her faith, which she always so patiently answered. Often I find myself speechless, and along with it, got myself exposed to many things which I heard for the first time. They did make sense to me. I have heard about the story of Jesus dying on the cross before, but never knew the purpose of Him doing it and never bothered to find out the reason He did it.

God continued to work through my sister. Eventually, He delivered the 'final punch'. It was on 20th march 1998 when Roger invited me to the Students' Fellowship bbq at Pasir Ris Park. That evening, the first person I spoke to at the bbq was Benedict. We definitely had the same 'frequency' and picked up well. Then, he shared to me the 'Bridge to Life'. During his sharing, I had much fear and unsettledness with my heart. However, at the end of the sharing, Benedict challenged me to invite Jesus to my life. The words 'if not now, then when?' impacted me most deeply. I made the decision to accept Jesus into my life, and when I opened my eyes, those fears left. Then Benedict with a firm handshake and pat on my back said, "Welcome brother!"

On my way home that night, I felt something I never felt before. There was a quiet peace within me, and I felt cleansed and 'as white as snow'. Just like being born again. What made this experience more memorable is that later on as I grew and learnt about the bible, I easily identified with the truth in 2 Corinthians 5:17, that says "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!"

Subsequently the Lord blessed me with an amazing bible study leader, Randy, who helped laid the foundations of my new Christian life. God gave me strength and courage, and filled my mind with positive thoughts, whenever I think otherwise. On top of all, He gives me complete love which no one else can.

After almost 5 years into this journey, I now live this life given by god with a clear purpose, assured of my inheritance in Heaven. I have come to appreciate those around me much more, and the abundant blessings He has showered me with. This race has not been easy, but I know I can cling on to him always. I'm still learning and discovering more about Jesus, this lover of my soul. In fact, I'm falling deeper in love with him now! And now, I certainly know it was through the hands and breath of a Living god that created nature around me, so when the next time I see a rainbow, it will not merely be a scientific explanation, but a reflection of the One who created me! .